Log in

No account? Create an account

April 26th, 2012

Wanted: Link of Hyrule, dead or alive

To celebrate my finishing the original Legend of Zelda game this afternoon, here's some random madness that I scripted in my head while playing.

Herein are excerpts taken from interviews with various eyewitnesses and survivors of the infamous terrorist known only as 'Link'.

Greg and Roy, Molblin Archers 3rd Class
ROY: H..he... he ate his...
GREG: Don't try and talk mate, you'll rip your stitches. See these gashes on his shoulder? That's from that lazer thing he does with his sword. Only a wooden one the first time he was sighted. That and his shorts & cap, you could have mistaken him for a child, if it wasn't for all the blood. Anyway, we'd just seen this 'Link' guy go through the other squad patrolling our sector, when he kneels down by one of the guys he's just killed and-
ROY: HE ATE HIS FUCKING HEART, GREG! He ripped it out and ate it!
GREG: Calm down, Roy, calm down! Anyway, it was horrible. Have you ever seen someone kill three people with a candle and a boomerang? [Gags slightly] Once he was finished he walked along the row of bushes, plain as you like, tapping each one until he got to one on the end, like he was counting. Bold as brass he torches the one he's at, and there's only a bleedin' staircase down there. I hear the guy's got a tunnel network all over Hyrule. We tried to open fire before he got away but... well, we're in the infirmary so you can tell how that turned out.
Cut for... well, lack of sense, really...Collapse )
To this day the Zelda administration denies all knowledge of Link. However, possibly due to the strain of her much-publicised battle with Stockholm Syndrome, the Princess and her recently announced fiancee declined to be interviewed. An individual matching 'Link's description was last seen making camp somewhere in the Death Mountains. Travellers are advised to steer clear.
Making a cameo from http://obscuritan.dreamwidth.org/7804.html